Monday, December 31, 2012

Good bye 2012

2012 was a pretty interesting year. It was full of highs and lows, and I mean the highs were way high and the lows were dig down make a pit low. All in all I have learned very valuable lessons this year.

For one, to give myself a break! I am pretty hard on myself and try to be as close to perfect as I can get. I learned that when you aim to be perfect, others get used to treating you that way and when you fall short,  you don't only end up disappointing yourself, but everyone else on top of that.

I also learned that my family loves me for me not for who I try to be. Meaning, they don't love me because they always have clean clothes to wear, cooked food to eat, because I stay on budget or keep the house spotlessly clean. They love me because I am here. That was a pretty huge realization for me. I always felt that if I fall short on the many to do's or miss something, that I would be less valuable to them and therefore they would not love me as much. However, it turns out I am wrong, somehow my crazy bunch loves me despite of me being me, they need lots of credit for this.

I learned that I am lonely, a lot. At first, this really bothered me and depressed me, now I have come to terms with it. The truth is, I have moved ALOT since I have been married, and it is possible that I will not make true connections with people that already have an inner circle at this stage in life. Since I got married so young and moved away almost immediately, I foolishly let my closest friendships grow cold. I regret this because I did not realize it until much later in life. In my mind those friendships were frozen in time, but it turns out that everyone moves forward, and sometimes without you. If I could make a change now,  I would like to rekindle some of these friendships, but I have changed soo much that I don't know if I am really compatible with anyone anymore.

All in all I am grateful for the amount of growth that I have been able to do this year and hope that next year is much smoother sailing, but the funny thing is that I now know that no matter what happens, we'll get through it, we will overcome it with Heavenly Father's help and it too will pass..




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1 comment :

  1. I think it is still possible to make true connections this late in the game. Coming from a ward that was very transient, I know what it is to have people come and go but the friendships run deep. It takes effort but it can be done. I think when people move a lot, one of two things happen - you get out and meet people and make the best of it or shut people out and move on with just yourself. My husband is the latter. Me, on the other hand, I need people.

    I really admire how outgoing you were when I first moved here. I was suprised to know that you were so new in the ward. I knew what needed to be done to be social, I just didn't have it in me at the time to make the effort. So thank you for providing opportunities for me :)

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